Oh, Bother.

I have probably tried writing like 10000 drafts of what I have been feeling these past weeks or even
months.

I am bothered. I am bothered by so many things.

I am bothered by the fact that my parents spent 10,000+ pesos last year buying acne medication for me and
although the acne went away for a few months, my face is starting to break out again like crazy.
I am bothered that I can’t feel safe in the very place I live in because I keep losing things. Last
Friday, I left two very important rings in the dorm restroom and came back later to find them gone. Now, I
just noticed that my only black pair of shoes are missing from my shoe rack.
I am bothered that I feel a sense of disconnection toward the person that I have grieved over not seeing
for so many months. I am bothered that we don’t talk to each other the same way anymore and I am bothered
over the thought that things may never be the same way again.
I am bothered that even though I am a native English speaker, I scored 27/30 in our first seatwork in my
basic English class.
I am bothered that most people here have little sense of empathy and I’m bothered that maybe I am like
them too.
I am bothered that people here generalize people by where they come from and what kind of phone they have
or how well they speak English.
I am bothered that I have 7 am classes everyday and get home right before 9 pm curfew.
I am bothered by my low resistance against buying food and my impulsiveness to spend money.
I am bothered that I am so easily controlled by people’s expectations of me.
I am bothered by my failure to manage my time better.
I am bothered by the feeling of worry.
I am bothered by the feeling that I won’t be able to pay back my parents one day for all they’ve done for
me.
I am bothered that so often, I don’t walk the talk.
I am bothered by other people’s opinion of me.
I am bothered by my inadequacies.
I am bothered by the fact that I am so aware and informed about my salvation in Christ, yet constantly
abuse His grace.
I am bothered by the mysterious love of Christ; that amongst my multitude of sins, He still loves me.

I am bothered, annoyed, agitated, anxious, disturbed, troubled, and upset.
I am human.

But

God is Love.
Jesus is Lord.
The Spirit is my strength.

In Him, I find the ability to be calm, happy, relaxed, satisfied, and untroubled.

Christ is enough for me.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made
known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in
Christ Jesus.” {Philippians 4:6-7 ESV}

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s