november 30

Many times I just write for the sake of writing.
On the contrary, too often I have a good thought, but I am either incapable of interpreting it into words, or don’t have the resources at hand to express the thought.

Sometimes, I like to pretend that I’m a poet. I get singular thoughts in my head and words pop up in my brain and I think,’hey, that sounds like it would sound good in a poem.” Then, I proceed to forget the idea or thought and move on, because that is what I do.

I limit myself too much.

I could say much more about that, but I want to write something a little less sentimental today…

I thought about it again today. I read Friend and I’s previous conversation about it and I started to feel heavy in my heart. It’s different, coming from him, because he is probably the most reliable source considering how close they are. I just don’t know it all he said was true anymore. Everything between us was and is completely platonic and naive. But I haven’t lost hope just yet.

An hour and twenty minutes from now, we will officially be in the last month of twenty-fifteen. I’ll save the sappy emotional reflection for when new years’s is almost here, but for starters, this year was a year of triumph and tribulation, in a new way that I know I will experience again as I get older. I’m not quite sure how December will go down, but of course I’m hoping to end this year on a high note.

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